Honestly - where does the time go?

So...

My humblest apologies for not updating. There's really no excuse. Other than my inattentiveness.

So where did I leave off...oh yes. Birthday weekend. So Tim had asked me earlier in the day what I wanted to do for my birthday. I thought really hard and decided that my birthday would be perfect if I could get my hands on a guitar and play for awhile. As turned out, we decided to go to Silver Spring, MD where there was a guitar store. We were getting on our Metro train at Union Station and we saw Tara, my roommate, who was getting ready to go out with her co-workers. We told her to get on the train with us instead, not telling her where she was going. She did it - man she must trust us. I can only imagine what she must have been thinking as we rode farther and farther into Maryland...

We got off in Wheaton, MD, basically the middle of nowhere. No map, no directions, just an instinctual sense of my guitar-playing destiny. We found the place (miraculously) and wandered into the acoustic room. Let me tell you - there was NO better place to be on my birthday than in a room filled with guitars after being deprived for 6 weeks. I played a really nice guitar for awhile and then Tim started playing...turns out he's really good. Like, really good. He knew some praise songs so we filled that acoustic room in Wheaton, MD with as much joyful noise as we could. They employees probably thought we were nuts. Jorge, the very nice guitar salesman, found out it was my birthday and very artfully played me happy birthday on a wickedly expensive guitar. I'm not sure I could've asked for anything more on my special day!

But there was more, oh yes, there was more. We got back on the Metro to head to Silver Spring where we met up with Amy and Jason for dinner at "Eggspectation", a restaurant devoted to the skillful preparation of the egg. I had a mango burger.

So, I got a call that week from none other than Mr. Tim Woodbridge himself. As it turned out, he was in the city for a mission trip! Since I had Wednesday (July4th) off, we planned on meeting up to spend the day hanging out around DC. It was so weird to have someone from Purdue infiltrate my DC life! We went to the parade with my roommates and Shenanagins (Shannon) and ate lunch afterwards downtown. We met up again in the afternoon, hung out at GW, played spades with Stephen and Christa, and made our way down to the Mall for fireworks. The fireworks were the best I've ever seen - probably the best I'll ever see - and it was so awesome to be with so many friends, just enjoying the colorful show.

Afterwards, I said goodbye to Tim, wishing him the best as far as getting back to his place of residence for the week. It was fun to have him around for a day, especially when you think of when you said "goodbye" weeks ago, thinking you'll never see this person again, and then having them show up on your doorstep!

The rest of the week turned out to be difficult, emotionally-speaking...I think it had just been a stressful week, with entertaining and planning for when my parents were to come visit. God has revealed to me that I have control issues on many levels, including being very hard on myself in restricting how much love I allow myself to feel from others. I never want to hope for more in a relationship, because of the possibility that it won't happen and I'll look like a brokenhearted idiot.

God has been so faithful in revealing things about myself that I never thought I struggled with - and He's teaching me how He protects my heart, and that I don't have to anymore. Its so funny - I ran across my prayer list for this summer that I had given a few people that spelled out areas in which I wanted to grow. I had a hard time putting the list together because I had very little idea of what the summer was going to look like. But one of the things I listed was:

• Pray that I would not try to be strong (mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually) on my own, but that I would trust God to take care of me and protect me.

Good grief, people. And I was wondering why exactly God was doing what He was doing. I guess what I didn't understand when I wrote that was how much it would hurt. I have hurt deeply so much this summer, not because I'm with terrible people or I've had a terrible time, but simply because God is ripping out the infrastructure of my identity. I thought removing core lies from my life was going to be more like taking a box out of a closet; as it turns out, a core lie is like a rotting, load-bearing column in the middle of your house. Sooner or later, the house is going to collapse, because it can't support the weight of Truth I keep filling the house with. So here I am, in the middle of the house of my identity with a sledgehammer, terrified with every swing that the whole thing is going to come down. And it will - it has to - and I have to trust that God is going to protect me when it crumbles around me.

The bottom line is that discipline is never easy, and its never painless. But it is for the best - it brings us nearer to God. So thanks for praying the tough things for me, even though it doesn't always leave me with warm fuzzies. I take comfort in Proverbs 3:11-12, and that God has put me with people here that are willing to invest in me selflessly.

Wow, that was long. And I didn't even get through a week. Good grief. Oh well.

Thanks for your prayers, your support, and your love - I miss you all!

Love,

Jess